ROFLLLLLLMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! hahahahaha

We all have a certain dichotomy within us consisting of our animal and human sides waging a constant battle. The indulgences of the flesh war against the prudence of rational thinking. For some, the human within us, defeats the beast and we live our lives according to prudence and restraint. For others, the beast is in control, and the human is constantly dealing with the ramifications of what the beast has left in it's wake. Most of us straddle a fine line somewhere in between. For me, especially, this has always been an issue. As much as I like to consider myself an intelligent and moral individual, I am also an extremely passionate being with strong emotions and a lust for sensation. Perhaps it is because I am so acutely aware of my own thirst for visceral experience that I veer so deliberately away from temptation.

As a child, my parents never talked to me about sex. Most of my sexual education was garnered from the medical books my mom had left lying around the house hoping that I would somehow absorb the knowledge within them and embark upon a path towards becoming a doctor. What happened instead was they ignited an abiding curiosity within me. I have always been fascinated with the human body, and most of all our ability and innate need to procreate. As a result of my curiosity, I experienced a fairly early sexual awakening. With this confluence of intellect and hormonal development, a bloody battle ensued.

I discovered women, and all the wonderful and terrible things associated with them. Somewhere around the same time I became a christian, which further, and still does complicate my struggle. Everything around me: religion, society, and a nagging feeling inside me told me it was so wrong. But true to the cliche, it felt so right.

Nonetheless, I felt guilty. SO GUILTY. I had these urges that I knew I wasn't supposed to have. I wanted to look at porn, have sex with girls, masturbate. Half the time, I would let myself, and half the time I wouldn't. When I did, I would feel like I had committed a sin, and disrespected my own body and God. I would either repent or turn from religion lest I face its condemning glare.

And for good reason. It wasn't just for the sake of moral purity that I felt the way I did. In those moments that I erred against my better judgement and allowed my flesh to dictate my actions, I nearly always regretted it. I found myself feeling empty and hollow at the end of the day and I attributed it to falling prey to temptation. I recoiled and stayed as far away from sex as I possibly could for a very long time. There were other factors in play, of course, but the result was the same.

It wasn't just religion. I suppose it's the perfectionist nature in me. If I were to do something, I wanted to do it right. The idealist in me, clung fiercely to the idea that it ought to be special, and that I had a finite amount of self to share, and that I didn't want to dilute it by engaging recklessly. At the end of the day what would I have left for another, let alone myself? I wanted the same from whoever I was with as well. Maybe it was just a lifetime of conditioning by western culture and judeo-christian ideology.

Yet I burned. I burned with more desire than I had ever felt, and it was as if denying myself only made the need even greater, and the inevitable bursting of the dam yet more ominous. I was afraid that I would do something incredibly stupid or reckless as a result. My emotional roadblocks held me in check. But they did not prevent me from questioning the very foundations of my personal code. Why, WHY was it so wrong to feel that physical connection with another human being? How could something so beautiful in one moment, become so cheap and dirty in another? Why, WHY would God design us in such a way that we felt such an overwhelming desire to do something that was supposedly wrong? It seemed like the the universe's cruelest joke--to build a creature with an uncontrollable desire to manufacture his own destruction.

Eventually, I broke. I no longer cared. It wasn't so much that I needed to fulfill a need. That need had already been met in one way or another. I was simply tired of feeling so damn guilty all the time. I accepted that this was a natural part of who I was, who each and every one of us is. Sex is not wrong, or bad, or dirty. People are. At certain points, I thought waiting for marriage was the answer, but realistically how can that happen? Of course there are people who wait successfully until marriage, but those are also the people that get married at 21. I am not, nor will I ever be one of those people. When those rules were written, people were getting married right as puberty began. I imagine pre-marital sex wasn't such a temptation in those days. I respect and even admire people who make the choice to wait. But it's not for someone who is now twenty-eight years old, and made his share of mistakes. Not all of us are lucky enough to find true love so young. And for those of us who aren't, should we be punished by being denied the experience of sex?

I have embraced the beast, and tamed it. My rational mind and my animal nature have reached a tenuous coexistence. I still have no desire to have sex outside of a committed relationship, but I no longer feel guilty for wanting. I am okay with the fact that as much as we are humans, we are still creatures of flesh and blood with physiological needs to be met. We can't live an honest and fulfilling existence if we are constantly at battle with our own bio-chemistry and instincts. We lust after one another because it creates the surface component to a much deeper purpose than we often care to comprehend. Without sex, there is no drive to love, to bond, to reproduce. Without sex there are no families, no marriages, no drive to compete. Competition not just for resources, but to improve ourselves in hopes of finding a mate that is our match. We are human, therefore we err. In doing so, we may not get it right on the first try, but that shouldn't keep us from trying or cause us to dwell on those errors. Sex is a beautiful thing, embrace your inner beast and share it with someone deserving.

In trying to convince my friend that she needs an iphone...

(I am using this title without prior licensing from mixedbabiesrock)

I've long been of the opinion that interracial dating is a wonderful thing. Unlike some of my xenophobic fellow Asians, I think it's a wonderful thing to join two people and create further diversity and variety in the world. Uniting people from different backgrounds who then have the opportunity to learn and enjoy the intricacies of other cultures is a wonderful blessing.

Besides, mixes are really hot.

I may be a little biased being sort of mixed myself, but let the evidence speak for itself:


Dutch and Chinese


Filipino, Black, Indian, and Latina


And of course this girl: Danish, French-Canadian, and Latina


Korean and White


Japanese and White.

There's also Maggie Q, Kelly Hu, and countless others.

It's hit or miss though, sometimes things go horribly awry:


or




*shudder*

Anyway. I've dated women of varied races, but I always find myself gravitating back towards mixes. I wonder why this is? Is it because I find commonality with them because we both share a certain dichotomy to our personal identities? Or is it just shallowness manifesting itself? I've dated Russian/Korean, Indian/Viet, Japanese/White, Chinese/White... I think it's an addiction.

There is scientific evidence that racial mixing may be beneficial to the evolution of the human race. Studies have shown that in controlled environment where subjects are shown photographs of different members of the opposite sex, generally the ones who are ethnically ambiguous are rated the most attractive. Research has also shown that we are attracted to mates that emit pheromones that indicate an immune system that is dissimilar to our own. This instinct may be indicative of a natural guard against inbreeding and a preference for propagating genetic diversity.

Individuals with genetically diverse backgrounds tend to exhibit stronger immune systems, fewer congenital disorders, and fewer genetic defects. This is apparent amongst dogs, as purebreds are often fraught with health problems while mutts are often more robust. There is a phenomenon called heterosis or hybrid vigor, where the offspring of two genetically different individuals exhibit superior traits to either of it's parents, whether in size, robustness, or intelligence. Realistically, the genetic difference between ethnicities amongst humans is too minor for this to occur, but it's an interesting thing to consider.

Don't feel bad however, if you are of unmixed descent. There are plenty of very very attractive people of unmixed heritage. But I DO feel like it is the personal duty of each and every one of us to ensure the future strength of the human gene pool. Let each one of us, whether we be White, Black, Brown, Yellow, Japorean, Blackapino, or Italexican do our part in making the next generation of humans better looking. Given a few generations of this, there will no longer be color lines, division, or racism. There will no longer be black or white, brown or yellow; we will all simply be Beige.

  I realized today that although I had always considered myself a confident person, I hadn't truly been confident until my late 20's. This manifested itself in my way of pursuing what I desired. The belief that I deserved to have what I wanted was always there, but the method in attaining those things was lacking.

  Looking back at my younger years, I think I was a bit of a fatalist. If things happened, they were meant to be, if not then it was not in my cards. My attitude has changed considerably since then, though it will be a lifelong process. I no longer believe in fate, destiny, or luck. I think that mode of thinking was the result of an ever present fear of failure. If things didn't just happen immediately then I could easily say 'it wasn't meant to be.'

  My dynamic with women that I dated was similar. I expected things to be easy, and if they weren't then I would take it as a sign that failure was imminent and flee. I don't mean that I didn't put up with a lot of crazy shit, more so that I needed them to like me in equal or greater measure than my interest in them. Typically, I would delay any advances on my part until I had seen clear indication of their interest.

  When you base your own interest on the level of interest of another, or you expect them to initiate a relationship, you are giving up control over your own life. You limit your options only to those that are immediately available, and that pool of options becomes the only choices that you have to choose from. Often in those relationships, I would have reservations going in which I would ignore partially based on being caught up in the moment, and partially because I felt compelled to go along with what was available to me. The idea of unrequited interest was too risky and potentially harmful to my self-esteem to pursue. As a result, I never found exactly what I wanted, and those reservations that I so conveniently ignored would always return to haunt me.

  Similarly with my career, minor setbacks would easily cause me to reconsider my entire course. If I felt bored, disenchanted, under appreciated, overworked, or disrespected, I would immediately start thinking about quitting. This attitude partially lay in my penchant for an extreme all or nothing philosophy, and partly because I was too young to know with clarity what I wanted out of life and love.

  I've now realized that real confidence isn't just about knowing that you're smart enough, attractive enough, moral enough, or capable enough to handle a challenge. It's in knowing that you can handle the failures and continue persistently towards your goal. You have to be willing to swallow the good with the bad, and not falter at the first sign of difficulty. You have to have the ability to be single minded about your purpose and go after what you want without reservation. Real confidence allows you to do so-- and whatever obstacles you encounter will not shake the conviction that you are taking the correct course of action. These are the qualities that make successful people successful, and allow a man to land the right kind of woman.